That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I bet he comes in French.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
