eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
