like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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