Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
