Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
