you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
