how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
