life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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