Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
