It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I need a beard to bite.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
