At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
