That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
