He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
