Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
