Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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