he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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