I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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