seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So many bounce houses so little time
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize