I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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