I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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