In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
