The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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