oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
