I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
