remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Randomize
