yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
