What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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