if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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