he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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