It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
