She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
