Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm too high and old for this...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
