You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
There r osticjed everywhere
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
