i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
