i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
