i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
