I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
