Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
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