Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
