And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My vagina is officially offended.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
