i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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