Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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