She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
please come you make the beer taste better
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
