my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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