i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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