i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
