Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
