I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
