I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
