Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
