theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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