The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
