I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
