I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
