It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
