oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
